I am not a good painter, actually good is still far away from what I paint. I never picked up a brush and painted some masterpiece. I never let the art spoke for me. The only thing I am good at drawing is cubes. But yet the rebellion inside me never stopped giving the blank sheet in my art exams.
I remember painting nothing at all or just giving a sheet with strokes of brushes in all the directions, and trust me I have seen art galleries selling such stuff for millions. But the teachers in my ordinary school didn’t understand that then. So, since I was such an incredible painter that when I got an assignment of making a kite I quickly went to my father and asked him to make a layout of it on the sheet for me to paint it later.
Now, home assignments were easy to get rid off, but at the time of the final exams I certainly freaked out, but the rebel in me found an easy way out, my best friend. After all, a friend in need is a friend indeed. I used to pass her my blank sheet and have her beautifully painted painting at my desk until she was done with mine.
Years passed by and I enjoyed this little shortcut of mine, I loved it so much that I thought I won’t have to paint at all. Now, don’t get me wrong I want to paint and sketch there are ideas in my mind which I want to spread all over my blank sheet but this thing back in my head always stopped me.
The voice says I am not a good painter. Until one day, one day when I had to paint. The assignment made us decorate a notebook and I shut all the voices in my mind started painting. The result was surprisingly good, my notebook was displayed for the entire school to see.
Dear Reader, Lesson 1 from my ugly painting: sometimes things ‘done’ are far better than things being ‘perfect’. The hesitation I had, never let me paint. The fear of painting something silly, ugly or pathetic always terrified me to lift a brush and because of that when I went to my father and outlined his perfectly drawn kite, perfectly wrong. I being an ugly painter ended up destroying the edges and colored outside the boundaries.
Dear Readers, Lesson 2 from my ugly painting: How many times it happens that someone lays out the perfect plan for you and yet you see yourself falling and failing miserably climbing them as you were told to. Maybe, we don’t need a layout for us. Maybe, stepping differently onto these steps will help us become some much better than our own imagination.
I mean how many kites are out there which are a proper rhombus anyway? Sometimes, the beautiful thing about a kite is its curvature at its ends. So, fail, fail better. Get out, and achieve that perfection in failing until they are not called your failures.
I am only good at drawing cubes, there are incidents from my past which made me feel I am inside a small box just like these cubes I draw. I wish I could just erase those moments, but yet when I remember those moments I recall the activities I performed in order to get out of that box.
I used to put my earphones on and play the music so loud so that I can’t hear my own voice. screaming into the pillow so loud that all the cotton absorbs it and takes away my pain just like it takes all our nightmares. Picking up a pen and just sketching so vigorously that the paper tore’s apart. Painting the page all black or sometimes submitting a blank sheet, these all are nothing but a way out of your emotions.
We all have felt emotions inside our body even before we knew their names. We have felt all of them summing up and finding a way out through our fingers. And trust me, whatever comes out might not be worth millions but it will be filled with your emotions and those drifted emotions are priceless.
Dear Readers, Lesson 3 from my ugly painting: Everything I drew, was nothing but my inner expression and feelings crying out loud. And since emotions are not ugly or beautiful; they aren’t your strengths or your weaknesses.
They are just your emotions.
Your priceless things.
Dear Readers, Seeing my parents framing and hanging my 3 years old nephew’s random brush strokes on a canvas made me land on to the 4th Lesson: I must never stop making these ugly paintings.