My take on LOVE and Emotional Dependency.
So I came across this article by a PhD holder some time ago. The title said Are You In Love, or Are You Emotionally Dependent?
The article basically differentiated love from emotional dependency. This article here must not be considered like any offence to Madam Paul it is just my opinion on the same. So the article writer had this list of questions that I am going to bring before you.
1. Have you discovered from past relationships that you have a tendency to idealize people?
– For a person who had not had any past relationship, this question is void.
2. Do you project onto them how you want them to be, rather than how they are?
– Isn’t this the responsibility of the other person to correct or accumulate the basic identity of his significant one ? So obviously we will always want the person we love to be what he originally was rather than lose himself in this competitive world.
3. Are you primarily focused on how your partner treats you, rather than who he or she really is inside?
– Now, this is really simple the treatment of others says a lot about the person’s upbringing and what he is actually made of, so obviously if his treatment towards you says a lot and is essential to be considered.
4. Have you made your partner responsible for your happiness, worth and safety?
– Even if this answer is yes, what’s the big deal in it?
5. Do you feel anxious or panicked when you are not with your partner, or when he or she doesn’t call when you expected?
6. Do you have a list of expectations that your partner has to meet for you to feel loved and safe?
– Expectations evolve automatically with time after you have spent considerable time with your partner.
7. Do you feel that you can’t live without this person? Are you terrified of losing this person? Do you feel empty and alone inside unless your partner is with you, giving you the attention and approval that you are not giving to yourself? Do you feel jealous and possessive of your partner?
8. Do you try to have control over getting your partner to do what you want him or her to do?
-Let’s call it authority rather than controlling.
“Love” that comes from fear isn’t love — it’s neediness, there is certainly no big deal if you need someone to love you (at least this is aligned with the essence if completeness that movies usually create). Emotional dependency comes from the inner emptiness that is created when you abandon yourself — and you then expect your partner to fill your emptiness and make you feel loved and safe.
Once you make your partner responsible for your happiness, safety, and worth, then you need to try to have control over getting him or her to love you the way you want to be loved.
The key to falling in love and staying in love is to first learn to love yourself!